Snappy dressing dude gets hit on the head
by trinity4
Summary: Boromir gets hit on the head and starts acting a little...odd
1. Prologue: -What out for that rock! -

Snappy dressing dude gets knocked on the head  
  
Chapter 1: - Look out for that rock! -  
  
Summary – Boromir gets knocked on the head during the early stage of the quest of the ring and … starts acting …a little… odd.  
  
Set: a couple of days after the fellowship sets out.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them but I wish I did.. I'd keep em in little cages under my bed…  
  
Authors note: Ok, I couldn't decide whether to do a sequel to Elf boy gets a cold or a Boromir fic. So I decided to do both, lol I know I'm crazy but I'll update the sequel to Elf boy gets a cold on Sundays and my Boromir fic: Snappy dressing dude gets knocked on the head, on Wednesdays. Lol so lets wait and see just how this works.  
  
It was three days after the newly formed fellowship of the ring had set out on the perilous journey to Mordor. Three days into the journey with man, wizard, elf, dwarf and hobbit. Many of these races were foreign to Boromir and he knew not how to relate to them, especially the hobbits, who he had been told that thought they neither looked it nor acted it were more or less adults.  
  
Boromir had been taught that the elves and dwarfs were ancient races. The elves in particular were supposed to be particularly wise, living for thousands of years.  
  
And yet only a few hours after setting out he found the dwarf and elf bickering like children. The arguments had dissolved into frosty and suspicious silence last night after threats from both sides to cut off hair or beard.  
  
The only other man in this quest: Aragorn had broken in and had words with both Dwarf and elf.  
  
In regard to the elf, Legolas, who Boromir had found the man knew before the meeting in Rivendell, he had talked to for longer, appearing to Boromir's quiet amusement to be chasticising a creature several thousand years his elder.  
  
Gimli and Legolas had grudgingly shook hands but neither had dropped the air of suspicion and both tensed up when they sensed any movement from the other.  
  
Despite all of this the elf claimed to be superior in intelligence to the "dirt sucking mole". The dwarf in turn claimed to be the superior in battle to the "pansy tree lover". Boromir, the impartial observer could see that whatever other claims they had, they matched each other in childish stubbornness  
  
It had been three days and already they had struck trouble, it was not Ringwaiths, nor any other evil creature sent by the dark lord. But it was much worse than that in Boromir's opinion, Ringwaiths would have given him a chance to prove his strength to that upstart Strider. But this, this was something that even he could not fight himself out of.  
  
Boromir ran with his cloak held over his head though the undergrowth. He was chasing after the rest of the fellowship, who were also trying to get out of the rain. The storm had come upon them suddenly, so suddenly that even the elf had been taken unaware. The rain began to fall in torrents, two of the hobbits had been slung across the pony's back and Bill was spurned on through the mud. Boromir himself had one of the little creatures under his arm, which he was trying his best not to knock about as he dogged the trees, trying to keep up with the ranger, the wizard and the elf. He was not sure which hobbit it was…not the ring bearer though, he was safely in the rangers grasp. Boromir could tell the man didn't trust him.  
  
Ahead of him, through his wet hair, Boromir could see a cave, a dry cave. Those in front of him, had already seen it and were leading the pony inside. Boromir entered after them. Once inside he placed the little one down.  
  
It was Pippin he noticed as he placed the wet and bedraggled creature on the ground.  
  
"Thankyou for the ride Mr Boromir" the hobbit said, tipping an imaginary hat.  
  
The man smiled, and the halfling began to walk away. Boromir's smile faltered though when he noticed the bulge in the hobbits back pocket.  
  
Checking, Boromir realised he was missing something. Quickly he reached out and plucked the hobbit off the ground, turning it to face him, as he held it by the back of his collar.  
  
The halfling smiled innocently at him and Boromir reached into its pocket and removed his missing horn  
  
"It's just a horn, I dinna think you would be needing It." The guilty hobbit defended, waving his hands in the air.  
  
Boromir snarled at the hobbit, which squirmed like a weasel out of his grasp and ran towards the ranger.  
  
Aragorn looked up and noticing the frightened hobbit that was pointing at Boromir, he gave the man a disapproving look.  
  
Boromir snarled again as he began to walk towards the back of the cave. Damn elves, dwarfs, hobbits and men who claimed to be mysterious heirs! He kicked a rock along the floor of the cave.  
  
Head down and curing he wasn't paying much attention to where he was going.  
  
Aragorn looked up at Boromir who was walking away from him and noticed something.  
  
"Boromir" he said  
  
The other ignored him, the rangers authoritive tone was beginning to irk him.  
  
"Boromir.." Aragorn repeated with more urgency. But Boromir did not hear the rest since it had been interrupted by a loud clonk and everything suddenly going dark.  
  
"..duck" the ranger finished a little too late as the man's head connected with the low rocky ceiling and he crumpled to the floor.  
  
  
  
-Next chapter: What next? Will Boromir have brain damage? Will anybody notice if he does? (lol, no I'm joking, I love Snappy dressing dude). Lol, only I know what will happen and you shall have to wait for the next chapter of Snappy dressing guy gets knocked on the head.  
  
Lol don't forget to review, makes me write faster. So comments, suggestions, questions, just write them down. 


	2. -Concussions can be fun!-

Chapter 2: Concussions can be fun!  
  
Authors notes: Those views held by Boromir are not necessarily those shared by the author. Ok, now last week I believe Boromir was just knocked unconscious, what fun!  
  
  
  
Boromir, heir of Denathor, swam in a sea of darkness, peaceful, numb, quiet darkness.  
  
Unfortunately it was interrupted by a number of people calling his name and also someone hitting him on the side of the face.  
  
Grumbling, he tried to turn over and go back to sleep, however there seemed to be somebody holding him in place and on top of this the voices were getting louder.  
  
Wearily he opened his eyelids and found he was being stared at by the various different coloured eyes of a man, …..a dwarf, elf, and some little ones.  
  
The dark haired man, Aragorn, he remembered, or was it Strider, or the Ranger? His mind swirled with annoyed confusion as he tried to piece the jumble back together.  
  
…They were the fellowship of the ring, him, the wizard,..Aragorn, the elf, the dwarf and the little ones. They had set out, and it had began to rain…so they had sook shelter in a cave, where he had……..hit…his..head, he realised, but then quickly squashed the rising embarrassment he felt.  
  
Deciding he had it all in order he attempted to sit up but found the Ranger's hand on his chest halting his progress.  
  
He glared with annoyance at the man and succeeded in dislodging it through twisting out from under, only to find the elf was now holding him down. He scowled at the strength of one so feminie.  
  
"Lie still" the ranger said patiently "You may have a concussion". The man proceeded with checking Boromir's scalp for injuries, he found a bump and examined Boromir's pupils, instructing him to follow his finger with his eyes.  
  
Boromir was less than cooperative, but the steady ranger and the haughty elf, commenting on his childishness in not accepting Aragorn's help, ensured he was properly checked out.  
  
Aragorn's verdict was the Boromir had a concussion and the he should be careful and inform them immediately if he felt either dizzy or faint.  
  
Boromir had shook the precautions off and had curtly thanked the ranger and elf  
  
Aragorn had shaken his head and Legolas made further comments about childishness, he was particularly irritated by the way Boromir had called him "Miss" when he had thanked him.  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
Aragorn tended to the fire. About which sat the four hobbits, two of which were telling a story animatedly about some sort of trip to a farm, which for some reason the Ranger couldn't decipher, involved being chased by a man with a pitchfork and hiding in the hollow of a tree until he left.  
  
Gandalf had left to explore the perimeter of the camp and Gimli sat near the fire enjoying the hobbits tale, but also occasionally flickering his gaze up to the elf who sat at the other side of the camp with Boromir gazing coolly back at him  
  
And Boromir was sleeping, despite his precautions about concussions, Aragorn noticed with annoyance. But the man had seemed coherent and had walked away steadily enough despite the large bump on his head, so it was probably only a minor concussion the Ranger conceded.  
  
Still, he had been concerned about the look in the man's eyes when he examined them, it hadn't seemed quite right to him.  
  
He'd resolved to check on the slumbering man when he noticed that he was beginning to stir.  
  
The ranger watched as Boromir began to awaken, he slowly rubbed his eyes and shook his head, he soon ceased this action with a grimace.  
  
As he stood, he seemed to notice Legolas sitting on a rock beside him. Aragorn was surprised when he saw that the man quickly covered himself with his clothes, Boromir hadn't seemed like a bashful person to Aragorn, in fact he had, had the shirt off only a day earlier when they had moved a fallen tree blocking their path.  
  
Despite this Boromir quickly snatched up his shirt and went behind a tree, emerging some seconds later, fully dressed.  
  
As the man walked past him, heading towards the fire Aragorn asked him how he was feeling and remarked apon his shyness.  
  
"It's not polite in front of the ladies" Boromir had replied in a surprised tone as he gestured towards Legolas"  
  
Aragorn suppressed a sigh of frustration. Not only did Legolas and Gimli want to kill each other, but also now Boromir was trying to pick a fight with the elf.  
  
He felt sure that Legolas would not appreciate the man's questioning his masculinity.  
  
Aragorn decided everybody was going to need a talk on tolerance soon, and if that didn't work he'd have to put them all in a hole and let out the ones who survived.  
  
* * *  
  
That night at dinner Boromir hastily rose as Legolas approached and offered him his seat. He also offered to get the elf his food for him.  
  
Legolas had agreed with great suspicion, the man had been overly polite to him all day. He wondered if Boromir was siding with Gimli, and he thoughtfully chewed his food, checking for any sign that it had been tampered with.  
  
Boromir meanwhile was also serving up the hobbit's food  
  
"You know I think that knock on the head made him nicer" Merry whispered to Sam.  
  
Aragorn too was beginning to wonder had had gotten into him.  
  
He regarded the man critically in the firelight as finally served his own food and sat down on the ground beginning to eat, seemingly oblivious to the scrutiny of the rest of the fellowship. The ranger resolved that he would discoverer the reason in the morning, whatever it took.  
  
-Next week: what * has * gotten into Boromir? What do you think? Next week we'll find out and meanwhile look out for the next chapter of Elf boy, posting on Sunday. 


	3. a brief message

I'm really sorry, but due to the exams there wont be any new chapters for a couple of weeks, but after the exams I will resume updating as before. Sorry, but I am in year twelve and these are pretty important exams. But I really love writing so u can expect me to be back! 


	4. Three bumps are better than one

Snappy dressing dude gets hit on the head  
  
Authors note: Well this took awhile didn't it? Well I'd like to say first, that this isn't slash and isn't going to turn into slash. And also the next two chapters should be up soon since they are already written. I just have to type them up, so yay!  
  
-Chapter three: Three bumps are better than one-  
  
Legolas woke, as all elves did, staring directly at the morning sky. However this beautiful sight was somewhat obstructed by Boromir who was staring directly into his eyes.  
  
"Boromir?" Legolas said as the Gondorian man continued to stare at him  
  
"Yes Legolas" Boromir answered while not moving.  
  
"Why is it that you are starring at me while I sleep, do you suspect I shall try to harm you in my dreams? He said with a touch of mirth.  
  
"I have simply never seen such a beautiful creature as that which is before me."  
  
Legolas was deeply surprised by this reply and was momentarily speechless.  
  
"Your hair's getting in my eyes," he finally said.  
  
Boromir apologised profusely and then bent to help Legolas stand. Legolas took the proffered hand and shot Aragorn a look of inquiry.  
  
Aragorn shrugged slightly and went back to the task at hand, his breakfast.  
  
Boromir excused himself into the nearby woods while Legolas joined a conversation between Gandalf and the ranger.  
  
The wizard sat atop a flat rock while Aragorn rested on a fallen tree bough.  
  
"The weather has cleared, I suggest we set out today" said Aragorn as he finished his meal  
  
"No," replied Gandalf "This morning I am positive I felt the presence of some evil beast"  
  
"Wargs?" asked the ranger in shock  
  
"No, spies of Saruman I am sure, Crebain. If we stay under the cover of these trees and cliffs for a few days, we should loose them"  
  
"But surely we cannot loose that much time!"  
  
"It is better for us to loose a few days journey than to alert the enemy Aragorn" replied the wizard.  
  
Aragorn nodded.  
  
"What say you Legolas?"  
  
"What?" Legolas looked up at Aragorn; he had been starring at the wood and had let his thoughts wander.  
  
Aragorn raised an eyebrow "Did I interrupt your thoughts Legolas? He asked lightly. "I thought you wished to input your council."  
  
Legolas fought an un-elvan blush  
  
"Ah, the arguments are for remaining or continuing?"  
  
Aragorn nodded  
  
"I agree with Gandalf. Uh Aragorn" the elf started. "Are you sure that Boromir is quite all right?"  
  
"Are you referring to this morning's incident?" asked Gandalf  
  
"Yes" said Legolas, failing to fight the redness that reached his ears now. "I didn't know Boromir was *that * way."  
  
"What way?" asked Aragorn, confused.  
  
Gandalf who had overheard what Boromir had spoken that morning, looked thoughtful. "To my knowledge he isn't...."  
  
He was interrupted when the man in question strode out of the forest, rather dishevelled and muddy. Clutched in his hand was a small bunch of wild flowers. Boromir approached their small council and held out the bouquet to Legolas who rather awkwardly took it. Boromir winked at the elf and then returned to the fire side to get his own breakfast  
  
"Hmmm" said Gandalf  
  
Legolas looked at the flowers in his hand.  
  
"Oh * that* way" said Aragorn  
  
Gandalf laughed. "Don't look so uncomfortable Legolas, this is probably merely a result of Boromir's knock on the head. This time's rest will allow him to regain his wits. I am sure there is nothing to worry about Legolas." And with that he stood and went to talk to Frodo  
  
Legolas looked at Aragorn "Its not that I really have a problem with.........that sort of thing, I mean a few of the elves back home......" He trailed off. There had been a sudden outburst of laughing from the nearby bushes. Legolas stood and extracted two hobbits who looked like they had some serious oxygen issues.  
  
"What is with you hobbits and eaves dropping?" asked Legolas hotly.  
  
"We..."Pippin gasped "avn't been..." "....dropping no eaves...." Merry spluttered and they both dissolved into laughter again. Legolas dropped them both on the hard ground "*Why *, were you spying on me? He said through gritted teeth.  
  
"Because.....because...." Pippin couldn't contain himself any longer. "I've never seen such a beautiful creature!" with that the hobbits, staggering from much laughter ran over the Gandalf.  
  
Legolas scowled after them and realised his hands were on his hips.  
  
"And don't think I can't hear you snickering back there Estel!" he said, and without turning around he angrily strode away.  
  
Once the elf was out of sight Aragorn let loose the gale of laughter which had threatened to cause him to burst.  
  
"I can still hear you!" came Legolas' voice some distance away.  
  
* * *  
  
'This isn't working' thought Boromir as he ate his sausages.  
  
She had taken the flowers sure enough, but looked no where near convinced that he was her one and only true love.  
  
He'd have to try something more impressive, more daring, more manly.  
  
He pondered this for a second. 'What was more manly than killing things!' He would show that she elf. He started to fanaticise about bright eyes and golden hair. He shook himself out of it. And put his hand on his sword pommel. Although, he had to admit that there wasn't a lot to kill lately  
  
Well, he would just have to do the second manliest thing in middle earth. 'Lifting heavy stuff!' With this thought he jumped to his feet, spilling his breakfast on the ground and quite surprising the hobbits who sat about the morning fire. Just as he rose, his love walked past him and into the woods. 'This is my chance!' he thought. He looked around the camp swiftly for something to lift. There was a bolder which looked a *little * too big. There was a log which that damned Strider was sitting upon, other than that only small rocks and sticks. "What are you looking for Mr Boromir may I inquire?" Boromir looked down at the hobbit who had spoken to him and grinned evilly  
  
* * *  
  
Legolas had fled into the safety of the forest and was beginning to regain his equanimity when he heard pursuing footsteps. He judged them to be a man's, not Aragorn because he walked lightly as all rangers did. It sounded like Boromir only there was something different about his gait.  
  
"Put me down, now!" Sam's voice was heard before Sam himself was seen; Boromir came crashing through the undergrowth holding a struggling hobbit "I'm warning you!" said Sam as he bucked in Boromir's grip. "Forget the shanks, I've have you by the, the, ham bone!" Boromir stopped when he saw Legolas.  
  
"He is very heavy," he said proudly  
  
Legolas closed his mouth which had been hanging open "Well put him down"  
  
Boromir frowned, and then smiled again  
  
"Ah but he is not too heavy or *me *." Boromir said and emphasised this by tossing the hobbit into the air.  
  
"Aaaarheeee" squealed Sam  
  
Boromir caught him again and smiled broadly at Legolas.  
  
"Boromir" said Legolas patiently" put Sam down"  
  
Boromir released Sam who gave him a threatening look and then ran back to the camp.  
  
"Now Boromir" began Legolas  
  
Boromir began to tune out the rest of what Legolas was saying. Things were not going as planned! Legolas wasn't even slightly impressed by his manliness, by Boromir's judgement and Sam sure wasn't a lightweight! There was only one other thing he could think of to get a girl's attention  
  
"....and I hope you understand that Boromir" Legolas was finishing. He looked at Boromir, hoping he had gotten the message that while he had no problem with it, he was not *that * way. Boromir didn't' seem to be paying any attention  
  
"Boromir" said Legolas crossly  
  
Boromir started towards Legolas and before he knew what was going on the man had swept him off his feet and was kissing him on the mouth.  
  
Legolas reacted quickly and with elvan skill and thus Boromir unwillingly left the world of the conscious the second time that week.  
  
* * *  
  
Aragorn was deeply surprised when the limp form of Boromir was suddenly unceremoniously dumped before him.  
  
He looked up into the blue flashing eyes of Legolas  
  
"DO.........something.........about.........HIM!" he ground out between clenched teeth.  
  
"What happened?" asked Aragorn as he rolled the unconscious man over and felt a second bump forming under his hair.  
  
"He.....he attacked me!"  
  
"Boromir tried to hurt you? Asked Aragorn in surprise  
  
"No....."  
  
Legolas was interrupted once again as two hobbits suddenly burst into the campsite.  
  
It was a full ten minutes before they had calmed down enough to speak and by that time (to the spying hobbits' disappointment) Legolas had already filled Aragorn in on what had transpired.  
  
"I say we tie him up," said Legolas with conviction.  
  
"Come on Legolas, you clearly did more harm to him than he did to you!"  
  
"He is a danger to himself and others"  
  
Aragorn looked at Legolas with disbelief  
  
"Look, simply bind his wrists and legs, at least then he won't wander off, or try to.....do, stuff"  
  
Aragorn looked at Gandalf who shrugged. "Do what you think is best Aragorn."  
  
Aragorn looked at Legolas, who looked at the hobbits who were whispering behind their hands and looking at Legolas, Gimli was looking annoyingly amused. And Legolas could see that he was mouthing "Ooooooooooh yes Legolas, yes!". He narrowed his eyes at the dwarf.  
  
Legolas then looked at Aragorn pleadingly  
  
"All right" he said "Pass me some rope." He set about binding Boromir's hands "At least he will be less trouble this way."  
  
"That I am sure of my friend" said Legolas  
  
~Ten minutes later~  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
Aragorn winced, Boromir had woken. He stood up.  
  
"Where are you going?" asked Legolas "To untie him of course" "Sit down Aragorn, we can outlast him!!"  
  
~ 2 hours, 43 minute and later~  
  
".....AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."  
  
All of the hobbits had their hands over their ears with the exception of Pippin who had a bag over his head.  
  
Gimli and Gandalf had decided to go on a walk *deep * into the woods.  
  
Aragorn had his hands clamped over his ears. He looked at Legolas who was serenely sitting on the grass  
  
"Does not this bother you?!" Aragorn shouted above the noise  
  
"No" replied the elf  
  
"..AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHH"  
  
Legolas' eye began to twitch.  
  
"That's it" shouted Aragorn and he strode over and broke Boromir's bonds  
  
"Thank you!" said Boromir as he rubbed his wrists.  
  
"Are you going to conduct yourself properly now Boromir?" asked Aragorn  
  
"Of course"  
  
Boromir rose and walked over to where Legolas was sitting.  
  
The elf ignored the man for a few minutes, but finally looked up.  
  
Boromir winked at him.  
  
* * *  
  
Not five minutes after he had released Boromir there was a cry of pain and then a thud. Aragorn turned around "Legolas" he said reproachfully "How many bumps do you think he wants on his head?"  
  
"Not my problem" said Legolas as he began to prepare for bed.  
  
Its probably for the better, reflected Aragorn, he might be normal in the morning.  
  
Alrightie. And that was the next chapter of course. Please review WANTED: One Beta reader to, well Beta read my LotR fic. 


	5. Wishful thinking

-Chapter three: Wishful thinking-  
  
The next morning, Aragorn was awoken by a piercing scream. Being an ever vigilant ranger, he jumped quickly to his feet and drew his sword.  
  
"My eeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrssssss" the voice screamed again.  
  
Aragorn, recognising the voice, sighed and then turned towards the direction of the sound. What he found was Boromir kneeling by the lakes edge, his hands clamped over the sides of his head and a wild panicked look on his face. Aragorn began to run towards the stricken Gondorian man but saw that Legolas had beaten him to it. The elf knelt in front of Boromir on the grass. Boromir continued to gibber. Legolas reached up and attempted to remove the man's hands from his ears to get a look, as his long fingers attempted to pry apart the man's shorter ones he was taken by surprise when Boromir reacted somewhat violently and rolling onto his back, flipped the elf into the water. As Boromir fled into the dark forest Legolas spluttered and floundered in the water until he realised it was only a foot deep. The soaked elf wiped strands of long blond hair out of his eyes and glared at the dwarf which was sitting on the bank smirking at the prince. "I guess he's not your sweet heart anymore" Gimli jeered. Legolas fixed him with a glare worthy of Thranduil. Aragorn interrupted the fight before either could raise a hand to the other. He leant the waters edge and offered a hand to the fallen prince. After pulling him from the lake Aragorn began his perusal of Boromir into the forest.  
  
He could tell Legolas was not far behind by the squelching sound which was gaining on him.  
  
* * *  
  
It was a short time after that Boromir was found by the soaking wet elf. Legolas had taken to the trees to begin his search for the man while Aragorn remained on the ground calling Boromir's name. The nimbly scaled a tree and scanned the forest floor, not far to the east he could now see Aragorn as well as hear him as he called for the Steward's son. He looked at the forest with a frown, the tree's were quite sparsely growing and yet he could not see the man anywhere. Turning around he grasped a tree branch to maintain his balance and searched the western side of the forest with his eyes. To his surprise the branch shifted under his wait and the elf flailed for a moment before grasping another, sturdier branch. He turned to look at the branch that he had just grasped and saw that it was indeed Boromir's arm he had grabbed. The man was standing on a tree bough as Legolas was, apparently he had not noticed the elf, his hands were still clamped over his ears and his was face downcast.  
  
Legolas whistled to Aragorn.  
  
"Boromir?" the elf asked.  
  
The man didn't respond  
  
Legolas tapped him on the arm,  
  
Boromir looked at him and his face turned red.  
  
"Ooooh please leave I couldn't bare you to see me like this." He looked imploringly at the elf with large round eyes.  
  
Legolas shook his head in annoyance, spraying water droplets about him as he did so.  
  
"Boromir! I told you, I don't love you, now lets get out of this tree!" Aragorn, was now arriving at the base of the tree and stared up in disbelief at the man who was perched in the high branches with the elf.  
  
Boromir looked at Legolas with an expression the elf could not read. "I do not love you either Legolas whatever made you think this?" "Don't be sad though" Boromir mistook the expression of paralysing fury on Legolas' face for dismay. "I never meant to lead you on" "What! I just said I didn't..Ugh!" The elf lithely jumped down and announced to Aragorn he was going to return to camp to inform the others they had found Boromir.  
  
As the angry muttering and squelching died away Aragorn again looked up at the tree.  
  
"Boromir come down here and let me take a look at your ears."  
  
Boromir nodded his acquiesce and jumped from the tree as Legolas had done.  
  
Unfortunately he did not possess Legolas' skill and grace and ended up rolling around in pain clutching his legs to his chest.  
  
"Oooowiiie" he whined  
  
Aragorn rolled his eyes and bent down to help Boromir into a sitting position.  
  
"Are you all right"  
  
"Yes, except for my" he swallowed and looked into his lap not meeting Aragorn's eyes "ears".  
  
"What is wrong with them?" Aragorn asked, and wisely let Boromir remove his own hands.  
  
"Do they hurt?"  
  
Boromir shook his head  
  
"Is your hearing impaired?"  
  
Again he shook his head  
  
Aragorn examined them the man's ears with his eyes and then finding no clue as to why Boromir was distressed folded them back and forth with his fingers, looking for sign of injury, finally he flicked them with a finger. The seemed perfectly healthy for ears.  
  
He looked at Boromir in puzzlement  
  
"What is the problem?"  
  
Boromir looked at the Ranger as if he was simple and then leant over and whispered in his ear "They're round."  
  
Aragorn set back on his haunches and looked at Boromir  
  
"Ooohhh" he said "And that is a problem because....."  
  
".....I am an elf"  
  
"Of course" said Aragorn standing up  
  
"Well Boromir we'll just have to see what Gandalf has to say about this."  
  
Boromir stood up also "Your right, that's a good idea, he will know what to do about this crippling deformity!"  
  
Boromir took off into the forest once more, this time in the direction of their camping grounds. "Legolas really shouldn't have hit him over the heat so many times" Aragorn thought as he raced after the "elf".  
  
* * *  
  
Boromir entered the camp at full speed. Ignoring the other members of the party he ran across to the opposite side of the grounds and latched onto Bill's neck, hugging the pony for all he was worth. Aragorn came into view and calmly sat next to the hobbits and Legolas who was standing by the fire drying his tunic.  
  
"I looove ponies!" Boromir declaired, squeezing the extremely alarmed Bill.  
  
Gandalf quirked an eyebrow  
  
Boromir released the pony and stared up at the sky, flinging his arms out and spinning on the spot "I love nature"  
  
"What is his problem now?" a frightened Pippin asked Aragorn. His eyes followed Boromir as he cried "Tree" and ran to the plant, wrapping his arms around it's trunk tightly.  
  
"I luuuuuuuuvvv trees" he cooed  
  
"He thinks he is an elf" Aragorn replied nonchalantly as he began to peel an apple with his knife.  
  
The hobbits gazes were transfixed on Boromir as he embraced and declared his love for another tree  
  
Gimli burst out laughing  
  
"We are not like that!" cried Legolas indignantly and stopped trying to wring out his tunic.  
  
Gimli laughed harder.  
  
Legolas narrowed his eyes at the dwarf who had been giving him nothing but trouble since he had returned to the camp and discovered there was a small fish currently living down his tunic.  
  
"What would you know you warty axe-breaking rock runt" he yelled as he tried to pick waterweeds out of his hair.  
  
Gimli stopped laughing and murderous rage filled his eyes. He scowled at Legolas  
  
"I know a lot more than you do you dainty willow-waisted pixie!"  
  
Legolas was about to rebuke this when there was an angered cry. Boromir had ceased his tree fondling activities and raced towards Gimli, his face was red and his sword drawn. He was practically quaking with rage.  
  
The fellowship looked at Boromir in fear and shock  
  
"How dare you insult one of my kindred" he said in a dangerously low voice. "You bigot!" he spat, bringing his sword level with Gimli's neck.. Things then could have gone badly if Legolas hadn't interrupted. Far from wanting to preserve the dwarf's safety he was huffing in annoyance. "Boromir your not an elf"  
  
Boromir dropped the sword and clamped his hands once again, over the sides of his head.  
  
"This is about my ears isn't it!" he shrieked, on the verge of tears.  
  
"That and you have a beard" added Pippin helpfully.  
  
Boromir ran into the forest wailing.  
  
The fellowship looked at Aragorn  
  
"Why do I have to get him?! Oh fine" he raised his hands in defeat and retreated into the woods.  
  
Legolas continued drying his clothes. "Elves do not act like *that * he said to himself  
  
He turned around quickly when he hear snickering but saw the hobbits were "innocently" eating their breakfast.  
  
* * *  
  
That afternoon they were regaled with Boromir's idea of elvish songs.  
  
Legolas cringed as Boromir's voice rose in song yet again.  
  
"There once was a dog  
  
Who sat on uh, a log Beside a frog Whose name was plog They sat in a bog While playing...."  
  
"Boromir!" Legolas finally snapped  
  
Boromir looked at Legolas, he was still a little stung from his previous words, but he would forgive him, after all he was the only other elf in the company.  
  
"Yes my elvan brother?'  
  
Legolas gritted his teeth.  
  
"Don't' you think that if you were an elf you would be able to speak elvish?"  
  
"But I can, um Mellon."  
  
"Alright" said Legolas and smiled" What am I saying now? Amin delotha lle"  
  
Boromir looked blank  
  
"How about Auta miqula orqu"?  
  
Boromir blinked  
  
He jumped up and ran into the forest crying. Aragorn smacked his forehead "Legolas!" he said "You can go get him for that!" he pointed after Boromir  
  
* * *  
  
By the time Legolas had found and retrieved Boromir it was growing dark and the fellowship were readying themselves for bed.  
  
Gimli took the first watch which was uneventful both in the case of outside intruders and inside disturbances. At the end of his watch he was returned to his bedroll. As he passed Boromir he noticed he was still awake.  
  
"Perhaps you should sleep Boromir, I think you might need your rest" he said to the man  
  
There was no response  
  
"Boromir!"  
  
The man still stared past the dwarf  
  
"Human"  
  
*crickets chirped*  
  
"Hey you pompous lily livered..."  
  
"Shhh" said Boromir "I'm asleep"  
  
Merry whose watch it was next came up beside the dwarf.  
  
"What are you shouting about?"  
  
"Elf boy here," started Gimli "is sleeping" he jeered, and winked at the hobbit.  
  
"He is?" Merry whispered "Well stop shouting!" he hissed "You will wake him up" Merry wondered if Gimli had some sort of eye problem.  
  
"Exactly" said Boromir, not moving from his position on the ground.  
  
Gimli shrugged and then left.  
  
Well that was actually a pretty quick update for me, please review, oh and btw I'm still looking for a beta reader. Next chapter: Boromir causes even more trouble, if that's at all possible. 


	6. How much does Boromir weigh?

-Chapter five: How much * does* Boromir weigh?  
  
"Where is Boromir?" Aragorn suddenly shouted over the rain.  
  
Legolas looked about the camp, shielding his eyes with his hand he peered though the downpour.  
  
"I'm afraid I haven't seen him since the storm started." he yelled in back  
  
The ranger cursed and looked up at the bleeding sky as torrents of rain fell upon them while they spoke. The weather was not in their favour lately and the storm had indeed returned.  
  
"We'll have to find him; we can't leave him out in this weather, not in his state!" Aragorn shouted over the wind.  
  
Legolas nodded and they both turned their heads to the ground, looking for the fast vanishing traces of the man's trail.  
  
"Over here!" Legolas shouted and showed Aragorn a broken twig as well as small puddles which were forming in the impression of a man's boot. Once the trace of the man was found Aragorn informed the rest of the company of their dilemma and the man and elf were soon on the trail.  
  
After tracking for the rest of the afternoon and into the beginning of the night, the trail was growing thin, but fortunately the rain was following suit.  
  
Legolas was just about to suggest they turn back and employ more help when they caught a voice on the breeze..  
  
"Why hellooo Mrs Copplepot, do come in!"  
  
The elf gave Aragorn a perplexed look and they both ran in the direction of the sound.  
  
They passed into a narrow valley. The cliff faces rose up hundreds of feet into the air.  
  
Looking around they could find no further sign of the man.  
  
Suddenly the voice was heard again.  
  
"Why yes! It is Blackberry tea! How kind of you to notice!"  
  
They both looked up, and found the source of the voice to be several hundred feet above them on a narrow ledge. Boromir was talking to himself while gesturing wildly. He was standing precariously close to the edge.  
  
"..I thought maple syrup with scones would be much more original than jam."  
  
Boromir's voice continued to drift down. Legolas cupped his hands around his mouth and was about to call out when Aragorn stopped him with a hand on his arm.  
  
"We mustn't startle him." he cautioned "I'll find a way up and you stay here in case.."  
  
Legolas nodded as the Ranger disappeared among the rocks. He removed his bow and quiver and looked up at the son of Denethor.  
  
"I wonder how much he weighs." He mused.  
  
* * *  
  
Aragorn found a rough path up the cliff's side, most likely the same taken by Boromir. When he finally reached the top Boromir had stopped talking to his "dinner guests". It was eerily silent. Aragorn risked peering around the cliff side to where Boromir was perched  
  
* * *  
  
Legolas was still pondering at the bottom of the cliff  
  
"I mean, he has to weigh a good 150 pounds at least and the shield looks like it could add a few pounds to that.  
  
Legolas watched Aragorn reach the top of the ledge and ease himself to where Boromir stood. The ranger peered around the corner and Boromir's sudden movement sent Legolas dashing forward, arms outstretched  
  
* * *  
  
As Aragorn turned the corner he saw Boromir staring out into space. Unfortunately it seemed Boromir had seen him for he suddenly started and took a step backwards.his heel was just on the crumbling edge of the cliff.  
  
"Boromir!" Aragorn started forward with hands in the air. "Don't move. I'm not going to hurt you."  
  
"Hah! Don't you try that with me Ranger." Boromir sneered. "I know why you're here; you've come to steal my father's throne! Well you can't have it, you Dunadain bastard!" With this last remark he tried to draw his sword, but was caught off balance by his shift in weight and staggered sideways along the ledge...  
  
* * *  
  
Legolas had heaved a sigh of relief when Boromir hadn't fallen. He was really starting to think the man might be quite heavy. His relief was short lived when the man suddenly staggered sideways. Legolas matched his horizontal stride by sidestepping to the left and then right, with arms still outstretched  
  
* * *  
  
Aragorn watched as Boromir ran back and forth, back and forth, across the ledge, all the time screaming insults at him.  
  
"Dirty, lice ridden." Boromir staggered to the left, "not fit to clean up after the horses of Rohan..." and returned to the right.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye Aragorn could see Legolas running from side to side, following the crazed man.  
  
"steal my birthright you elf kissing....oomph"  
  
As Boromir had been making his return trip Aragorn had innocently stretched out a leg....  
  
* * * Boromir looked up accusingly at the man who had tripped him.  
  
Aragorn pulled Boromir up, maintaining a strong grip on his hand. Boromir clung to Aragorn's hand with an equally strong grip.  
  
"I'm so glad you're here." He whispered. "That ranger is here, you take this dagger and I'll use my sword."  
  
Boromir placed a rather dirty and forlorn looking sausage from breakfast in Aragorn's hand.  
  
"I'll sneak around to the left and you surprise him from behind.."  
  
"Boromir," Aragorn began.  
  
"Arrrgh! He's here!" Boromir yelped as he jumped into Aragorn's arms. The sausage was dropped to the ground as the ranger staggered under the other man's weight. Unfortunately he tripped? over the sausage and his feet lost purchase on the cliff face...  
  
* * *  
  
Legolas stood panting at the bottom of the cliff. His hands were still outstretched which was lucky...  
  
He looked up.  
  
"Oh."  
  
Whatever Legolas was about to say was unfortunately interrupted when a full grown man of Gondor and his shield as well as a not-so-light ranger fell into his arms. The impact quite reasonably knocked him flat onto his back, luckily, or possibly unluckily, the ground was covered in thick gooey mud, which broke the elf's fall. Despite the cushioning mud the breath was still knocked out of him.  
  
Boromir was the first to move as he struggled out from under Aragorn.  
  
"Tree!" he cried gleefully and jumped up and down on his seat.  
  
Legolas grunted in pain as the man continued to bounce up and down on him.  
  
Boromir ran up to his new found friend and wrapped his arms enthusiastically around its trunk  
  
Aragorn was the second one to move. "I just hope he doesn't start singing again." He took out his pipe and started to fill it with leaf.  
  
"Aragorn..." Legolas wheezed  
  
"Mmmhmmm?" Aragorn replied as he puffed on his pipe and watched Boromir.  
  
"Would you kindly get off me?"  
  
"Oh." said Aragorn and stood, allowing Legolas to roll onto his stomach face down in the mud and moan some more.  
  
.............  
  
Alright, and that was another chapter, I think maybe I'll have one or two more, and thankyou to my new beta reader: Audrey. Yay! 


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